My mother’s argument is simple, what I am saying is right, what I stand for is right. But the extended family gets together only once a blue moon, so why ruin the “mahaul”? (Representational)
Recently, seated inside a jam-packed Registrar’s Office in my hometown, my mother started talking about her impending surgery to an acquaintance who had come to assist us. On hearing the name of the doctor, he went: “Ladies hain? Gents se karaana tha na auntie, ladies ka haath sahi nahi rehta (Is it a woman doctor? You should have found a male doctor. Women are not that skillful)” said the gentleman who has been jobless and living off his mother’s pension for as long as I can remember. I immediately shot back, “What exactly do you mean? How can you even say such a thing?” Unprepared for such an onslaught, he tried to make me understand, “Oh I didn’t mean any harm. It’s just a fact, beta”. I launched into a tirade only to be shushed by my mother. “Tum chup raho. Mahaul kharaab mat karo (you shut up, don’t ruin the atmosphere/vibe”).
“Mahaul kharab mat karo”. Not the first time my mother, my best friend, an inspiring, liberal, open-minded woman has used these words. A single mother living by her own rules, she is a feminist for all practical purposes, although she hates the word. She is also a secular, peace loving human being born into a family practising different shades of communalism. She talks about peace and love and harmony, but in face of any stray communal remark at a family gathering, she lets it pass. And when I chime in? “Mahaul kharab mat karo”.
Her argument is simple, what I am saying is right, what I stand for is right. But the extended family gets together only once a blue moon, so why ruin the “mahaul”? I think for a second, and then go, but who is actually ruining the “mahaul”? Me or them who made the provocative remark in the first place? “You are right, par kabhi kabhi chup bhi raha jaata hai (One ought to stay silent sometimes.)”
My mother and I agree on most things: Our views on marriage, career, our hobbies, everything align, if anything, she is much more progressive. But it’s only her submission to patriarchy and bigotry in the interest of saving a family gathering where we don’t align. So, I came up with a plan: I will carry my headphones with me for every family gathering and put them on in the interest of larger “mahaul” and of course, my mother’s happiness.
But the plan was punctured the very next day. My mother’s cousin was driving us down after a long day at a government office. During a conversation on what took so long, he went: “The bank manager was a Muslim. What else do you expect?” I was furious, my ears went red, and I gulped down. “Let it pass, let it pass” I muttered under my breath. But five minutes later, I told my uncle, very politely, “Maama, you are a wonderful man and have all good qualities. Except this one, why did you have to bring that guy’s religion into it?” He looked down sheepishly and said, “I didn’t mean it like that. I have many Mohammedan friends who will do more for me than even blood relatives.” Now it was my mom’s turn to speak. “Then don’t say such a thing ever. What if your friends hear it? Galti se bhi aisi baat mat bola karo,” she told her brother, who promised her he won’t.
I quietly smiled to myself. This was a small victory. Maybe “mahual kharab karna” is not such a bad thing after all.
deepika.singh@expressindia.com
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First uploaded on: 29-06-2024 at 12:17 IST
