A few years ago, I was working on a story about dating apps experiences of queer folks. A common theme that ran through all the conversations I had with my interviewees was about how the city is hostile towards them.
City beautification projects, for instance, one person informed me, meant all corners of the city, all parks, all river banks, and all desolate spaces where lovers could meet had been electrified and sanitised. They were made “family friendly”.
Following the same logic, Oyo Rooms, which built an empire by allowing space for unmarried lovers to rent rooms, recently announced that it’s changing this policy, starting with Meerut, a city in Uttar Pradesh. According to the new rule, couples must provide proof of their relationship before checking into the partner hotels. Many on social media sites such as X (formerly Twitter) and Instagram are wondering what that proof might be, who roams around with their marriage certificate?
Oyo’s USP, from the get go, was being a place people turned to for sex, that family-unfriendly thing we don’t speak of in our homes. The term “family friendly” often masks a deep-seated discomfort with those who choose to live outside the traditional institution of marriage. Our societal structures are deeply intertwined with the concept of the nuclear family, offering benefits to those who conform to this model.
For instance, as a single woman, I faced immense difficulty renting a house in Mumbai, even while living with my brother. Despite presenting our Aadhaar cards as proof of our familial relationship, many landlords refused to rent to us, insisting on a married couple with children. They often cited the need to maintain a “family-friendly” environment, effectively excluding diverse living arrangements.
Marriage is sacrosanct in India. So much so that India has never been able to introduce laws against marital rape, because as Menaka Gandhi once pointed out, it is the “mindset of the society to treat marriage as a sacrament”. You can’t touch it.
Sex outside marriage is considered taboo. From parents switching channels if something risque plays on the television to sex education being considered anti-Indian, India doesn’t want to talk about sex. Marriage for centuries has been a precondition for intimacy. However, that script has changed.
If we had the latest Census data, we would have a more informed statistic on this. Nonetheless, according to a government survey, the proportion of unmarried females rose from 13.5 per cent in 2011 to 19.9 per cent in 2019. The proportion of unmarried persons within the age bracket of 15-29 years increased to 23 per cent in 2019 from 17.2 per cent in 2011. The long and short of this is that more and more Indians are choosing not to get married.
Despite this changing social landscape, India has been slow to adapt its laws and social norms to accommodate these evolving realities. For instance, the lack of legal recognition for same-sex marriage reflects the deep-seated societal resistance to challenging traditional notions of family. Much is lost in India in the name of family values and culture. Those lauding this move by Oyo seem to be saying that the company has finally decided to follow Indian culture. But who is to say that the couple trying to rent a room doesn’t see itself as a family?
Strangely enough, in India, live-in partners have been granted certain rights and privileges. But I wonder what happens when this live-in couple goes to an Oyo-registered hotel? Will they carry that piece of legislation with them to say they are legal, even if not as legal as a married couple?
A thing to consider here is that today, a lot of great hotels allow unmarried couples to check-in. Oyo, which is a budget-friendly option, caters to a certain demographic that either doesn’t have a lot of money to shell out or doesn’t have a house of its own. It is either young people or people who live in crowded houses that offer no space for intimacy. Oyo, then, has played the role of a shelter for such people looking for an escape. The policy change reinforces the notion that unmarried couples are somehow less deserving of privacy and respect.
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People, no matter what, are having sex. If not in Oyo hotel rooms, then in a park or a car or a dark theatre, wherever they can find a quiet corner. But these places aren’t safe and often are unhygienic. In what clearly is a government appeasement move, Oyo is isolating its core demographic. Ironically, the aforementioned 2019 government report identified Uttar Pradesh — where this ban originated — as having the second-highest percentage of unmarried young adults in the country. One wonders how the youth of Meerut, and indeed, the entire state, feel about this policy.
India is changing. Its priorities and its worldview are changing. It would be good if companies like Oyo can get in with this momentous social and cultural change in India. Respect individual freedom and embrace diversity and inclusivity. Or, as someone pointed out on Instagram, you are digging your own grave.
Indurkar is a writer, editor, and poet from Jabalpur. She is the author of ‘It’s All in Your Head, M’
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