I am a plus-size woman. It took me quite a few years to come out and say this, although the world has taken the liberty of saying it for me many times. Growing up as a “chubby girl” in an Indian household is not for the faint of heart. When hand-me-downs from your cousins don’t fit, you automatically become the subject of all dinner table conversations.
I have often been called an “enthu-cutlet” — ready to be on stage, at the centre of attention, performing. My weight was never an obstacle when it came to being in front of people. That was until I hit the age when romance started taking centre stage.
Growing up, I watched, over and over, Simran find her Raj, Naina find her Bunny and Monica, her Chandler. Along with hope, such films and TV shows evoked a fear: I don’t look like Naina, Simran, or Monica. Am I good-looking enough to be desired? Pretty enough?
I started watching Bridgerton with the rest of the world in 2020. A Netflix series based in Regency-era London, it features men in fitted breeches and women cinched in pretty corsets venturing out into society to look for a match under the watchful eye of the anonymous gossip writer, Lady Whistledown. With Season 3 of the show approaching, I was excited to see someone who looked a lot like me be at the centre of a romantic story. For two seasons, we watched Penelope Featherington (Nicola Coughlan) remain in the shadows, with no prospects for marriage, while women her age were being whisked away by suitors. That this is because of how she looks was never explicitly stated, but due to the context and through subtle commentary, it was clear that this was a factor.
One of the best features of the show this season is the “it’s all about you” script. When Penelope undergoes a makeover — or rather, finds her style — in this season, it’s not for her mother or the ton, but for herself, out of her own will. This striving for self-acceptance is something that I too have been working on.
Among the things that Bridgerton is known for is its depiction of desire, which is often focused on female pleasure. Over the four episodes this season, we see Colin Bridgerton (Luke Newton) falling for his friend Penelope, whom he never saw in such a light before. After a forbidden kiss, Colin, like his brother Anthony in the previous season, found, “the object of his desires”. Their friends-to-lovers story gave me hope. To watch a conventionally attractive man fall for a girl who looks like me, has a chubby face, a double chin and a curvy body, gave me confidence. And to realise that none of that mattered when desire was in question, truly gave me a new perspective. As a plus-size woman living in a society that looks down upon those who look like me, it’s tough to imagine ourselves as desirable or sexy. But Bridgerton breaks that stereotype and tastefully makes Penelope feel sexy and desired. With the kind of reach that this show has, crossing 165 million hours of viewership across the world, it’s bound to have a ripple effect.
We have seen romantic dramas where plus-size women find love, but Bridgerton’s unique strength is that it successfully showed a plus-size woman not just being loved but physically desired. Coughlan said in an interview that she was given the choice of whether or not she wanted to be naked on camera, and that she chose to show her body because she wanted to feel confident in it and wanted to prove that she could do it.
In trying to empower herself, Coughlan has become an icon for so many plus-size women out there, myself included. And this need to feel desired has nothing to do with self-worth. Penelope Featherington is Lady Whistledown, arguably the most powerful person in London, and she knows it. I know I have worked hard, and created a life for myself — but people tend to think plus-size women aren’t happy or satisfied with their lives. Bridgerton’s representation is a win and a moment of self-realisation and healing for women like me. We are beautiful, sexy and “the object of our own desires”.
niharika.nanda@expressindia.com
